Porocrom’s Crappaper

As you may already know, Greeks invented many things, including but not limited to the Olympics, all the languages, and the entire world. So who better than a Greek (me) to teach you some basic English.

Lesson 1: You’re vs Your

You’re means you are. It is easy to remember if you think of the apostrophe as an a. That way, it becomes youare, which is easier for people of your intelligence (or lack thereof) to remember.
Example: You’re a whore.
Your is the possessive form, indicating that you own something. The basic rule of thumb for this is: “Whenever you write ‘your’, delete it and use ‘you are’ and vice-versa.”
Example: Your daughter is a bigger whore than even yourself.

Lesson 2: Who vs Whom

There is not a chance in hell that you will ever be able to learn the difference between the two, so just use who, unless you want to appear knowledgeable, in which case you will fail anyway, so you can use either. Hint: “I boned mai sister 2day, whom i luv veri much.” doesn’t work very well.

Lesson 3: It’s vs Its

This one is a long shot, but let me try. It’s means it is. You can remember this by thinking of the apostrophe as an i, which will make it itis.
Example: It’s not odd that your kid is a retard, since you married your sister.
Its again indicates possession, i.e. that you own something. Again the rule of thumb is: “Whatever you want to use, it’s wrong. Use the other one.”
Example: Wow, you have a really small dick. Its length is about 3 centimeters.

Lesson 4: Murder is illegal

Please do not murder your language every time you speak. It’s not u, it’s you. It’s not tho or b4 or ne1, it’s though and before and anyone. If you don’t know how each word is spelled, there are institutions that can teach you. They’re called schools, go to one.

Lesson 5: Use embellishments sparingly

Don’t get me wrong, I am all for using smileys and all that crap, they convey emotion very effectively. The sentence You are a motherfucking asshole! will get you beat up, while the sentence You are a motherfucking asshole! will (hopefully) not. A beating is not a small thing to avoid with just a colon and a P.
However, things like the hideous japanese manga face things like ^^ or ^_ are NOT permitted. The only things this conveys are “I have a face” and “I am a retarded American kid that would like to be Japanese because of all the superpowers they have.” Avoid the use of these abominations at all costs.

I hope against hope that this clears things up for you somewhat, so I will not have to tell your mom that you stay up late jerking off to shemale porn.
Suggestions/corrections are welcome, send them to billgates@microsoft.com.

It’s yesterday. I’m on my newbie (whenever I’m on a low level char I act like a newbie, it’s psychological, shut up and read). I’m stranded at the square and I desperately need to get back to the hq, but I’m out of recalls. There are about 10 people there, so I’m thinking, “one of these good people is bound to have a recall on him”, so I politely say “OMFG GIVE ME A RECALL I’M STRANDED”. Nobody responded, so I kept repeating my polite request a for a couple of minutes, at which time I got a response, although it was not at all what I expected. Instead of giving me a recall, people tried to convince me that I didn’t need one, sort of like the opposite of telemarketers.
The conversation was something like this:
-Why do you want a recall, it brings you north of here anyway.
-NO IM BAALI I HAVE TO GET TO HQ
-Why not just portal?
-IM LEV 10 I AM A THEIF PLZ GIVE ME RECALL
-Just use your mage to make a portal.
-ITS FAR AWAY I CANNOT MAKE PORTALK PLZ HELP
-Just go 8w of here and portal to Bukken.
You can imagine my frustration, since this entire conversation could have been avoided with his giving me a recall. He was an av warrior, so I’m sure he had some, but nooooo… Whoever said that crap about giving a man a fish and teaching them to fish, never MUDded. I WANT A FUCKING FISH, JUST GIVE IT TO ME.
After a few minutes I found a kind soul that wanted to help. “Great!”, I thought. “My torment is finally over!”. But, o cruel fate! Little did I know that this person also had read too much Chinese philosophy, and he was confused with all the fishes and men. He tried to teach me how to buy recalls. He prompted me to walk southward with him, but I promptly ignored his suggestions and waited patiently for some charitable person to aid me in my quest for recall. All my ordermates were walking past the square without so much as looking at me, which infuriated me even more and urged me to comment kindly on their behaviour, offering constructive criticism such as “YOU SUX”, “UP URS” and “DIE FAGG0R”. Unfortunately, they chose not to heed my advice, and left me to my begging, much like a cheap whore trying to score a trick.
When I finally realised that noone was going to help me, I decided to swallow my pride and go buy a recall. The helpful fish person was still 2 south urging me to follow him west, which I did. After a bit of useless wandering about, we reached the recall selling place, and I bought one and recall.
What is the world coming to? I remember in the olden days, when you would so much as imply that you needed a recall and not only 10 people would give you bags full of them, but dozens of people would trans you portalfuls of recalls. These youngsters have no sense of morality whatsoever. I tried to teach them some manners a while ago (some of you may remember the Murders in Rue Newb) but unfortunately not only did I fail miserably, but what was meant to be a valuable life’s lesson ended up with me getting helled for 15 days (for the first time in my career, I might add). I don’t know what we can do, if you have any ideas feel free to comment on this.

I am supposed to write something spontaneously hilarious here.

I got 3 hours of sleep last night, so I’m not particularly brilliant. Here’s what I got though.

I went back to my former place of work today, to pick up my paycheque and say goodbye to some people. Amazingly, everyone was still alive and not wandering about wondering what to do with their lives. I demand that everyone miss me intensely as soon as I am gone from a place, and shower me with love and presents whenever I may return.

THUS SPAKE CROMMATHUSTRA

Hello, I am Poromenos, I am the guy above. I am here, and we should start writing serious stuff now, I think.

Word…

Crommunist here, and thus the inane blog-fest begins…