Morals from the city
Hello everyone,
Today I went downtown to meet up with my sister who is visiting from the west coast. As we were walking down the street, we heard this one half of the following conversation:
“Well I don’t think I want to talk to you any more then… No, YOU fucked up, and now you’re fucking out of luck… I don’t know, you don’t need me to have a good time in Toronto… I don’t fucking know… go to a fucking strip club then… I’ll reccomend several strip clubs to you that I’ve never been to… No, fuck you!”
Nothing would have brought me greaer pleasure than to end this guy’s life for him (since he was obviously tired of living), but since the law does not allow euthanasia, I tried to simply ignore him. However, this was made impossible by the fact that he was SHOUTING INTO HIS PHONE!
Moral #1: If you are on a phone in a public place, realize that you are not the only person around. Kindly, respectfully, refrain from using language that you wouldn’t use if you were talking around children. Moderate the volume of your voice. If the person cannot hear you, call them back from a more quiet location. Otherwise, please realize that I will kill you.
Shortly following this incident, I stepped into a bank to withdraw some money. On my way out, I was almost sliced in half by a girl who was so painfully thin that I mistook her for a 2-dimensional projection of a human image.
Moral #2: Skinny is not attractive. Slender is good, fit is better. Skinny is gross. You live in a developed country where food is readily available. There are children who would LOVE to be fat, but can’t find food and have to eat rocks and stuff. (Note to parents: If your child refuses to be 3-D, feed them intravenously in their sleep; IT WORKS!)
I then came upon a couple sitting on a park bench, enjoying some time together. It was very cute up until they began to make out in a way that should be reserved for the privacy of the bedroom – or if it is two girls, the webcam. I immediately began to vomit all over them, splattering them in what remained of my smoked salmon focaccia sandwich.
Moral #3: Don’t make out in public. Nobody else cares how happy you are together. If you can survive without holding hands, smooching, grabbing butts, or acting in any way that suggests you are a couple, you should. There are lonely, depressed, angry people out there, and your public display may push them over the edge. Also you will get vomitted on.
Today I went downtown to meet up with my sister who is visiting from the west coast. As we were walking down the street, we heard this one half of the following conversation:
“Well I don’t think I want to talk to you any more then… No, YOU fucked up, and now you’re fucking out of luck… I don’t know, you don’t need me to have a good time in Toronto… I don’t fucking know… go to a fucking strip club then… I’ll reccomend several strip clubs to you that I’ve never been to… No, fuck you!”
Nothing would have brought me greaer pleasure than to end this guy’s life for him (since he was obviously tired of living), but since the law does not allow euthanasia, I tried to simply ignore him. However, this was made impossible by the fact that he was SHOUTING INTO HIS PHONE!
Moral #1: If you are on a phone in a public place, realize that you are not the only person around. Kindly, respectfully, refrain from using language that you wouldn’t use if you were talking around children. Moderate the volume of your voice. If the person cannot hear you, call them back from a more quiet location. Otherwise, please realize that I will kill you.
Shortly following this incident, I stepped into a bank to withdraw some money. On my way out, I was almost sliced in half by a girl who was so painfully thin that I mistook her for a 2-dimensional projection of a human image.
Moral #2: Skinny is not attractive. Slender is good, fit is better. Skinny is gross. You live in a developed country where food is readily available. There are children who would LOVE to be fat, but can’t find food and have to eat rocks and stuff. (Note to parents: If your child refuses to be 3-D, feed them intravenously in their sleep; IT WORKS!)
I then came upon a couple sitting on a park bench, enjoying some time together. It was very cute up until they began to make out in a way that should be reserved for the privacy of the bedroom – or if it is two girls, the webcam. I immediately began to vomit all over them, splattering them in what remained of my smoked salmon focaccia sandwich.
Moral #3: Don’t make out in public. Nobody else cares how happy you are together. If you can survive without holding hands, smooching, grabbing butts, or acting in any way that suggests you are a couple, you should. There are lonely, depressed, angry people out there, and your public display may push them over the edge. Also you will get vomitted on.
Posted by Crommunist @ 1:49 am