So I was listening to the radio today – as I usually do – and this song by Linkin Park came on; one of their older ones, it was about how the lead singer hates his dad because he touched his naughty bits or something. I wasn’t really paying close attention. And then this song by Simple Plan came on, and it was about THE EXACT SAME THING! And then a couple okay songs came on, then this song by 3 Day’s Grace came on, and OMFG it was the same song as the other two. This got me to thinking: these guys are the voices of an entire generation of jaded teenagers, which is admirable because they need a voice, but the guys in these bands are all at least 25.

I think the time has come for the shoe to go on the other foot. Idiot teenagers of the world! Throw aside your NOFX and Brittney Spears records (yes, I lump them in the same category) and start writing songs about having to work a full-time job to pay off your mortgage and how your kids hate you and listen to shitty music all the time. Write songs about how your joints have started aching and your wife won’t fuck you anymore because she’s taking night classes on how to be a better spouse. Write songs about how you wish that you could go back to the days when life was simple and the only thing you had to worry about was the fact that your parents hated your hairstyle, but STILL DROVE YOU TO SCHOOL EVERY MORNING!

This is not to diminish the difficulties of growing older. We’ve all been there with the self-doubt and the harsh judgment of your peers and disapproval of your parents, but is it really neccessary to have some guy with kids of his own writing songs about how tough it is to be a kid?

By the way, if the guys from Serial Joe are reading this, don’t get any ideas. You guys still suck.

Also, pull up your fucking pants. You look stupid. And get a haircut. And a job.