Stuff
Wow, I haven’t posted in a while.
Let’s talk about something that happened to me last week. I went out to celebrate the birthdays of two friends of mine. We started off at a bar called McMullan’s, drank quite the number of beers (even though everyone thought my red beer was gross I liked it). After a few hours we decided to finish up the night at a karaoke bar called The Silver Spur. I sang like a meadowlark that had been shot in the throat.
Anyways, my singing is not the subject of this post. What happened was a friend of mine… let’s call her “Teth” was acting pretty drunk (although she assures me that she wasn’t) and flirting HEAVILY with this guy… let’s call him “Bandy Roudreau”. Now this would be fine if “Bandy” knew the rules, but I don’t think he did. BTW, here are the rules.
THA RULEZ
1) Don’t ever do anything with a girl when she’s drunk that you wouldn’t do if she was sober. Basically, if she wasn’t interested in you before you bought her all those shots, then it’s date-rape.
2) Drunk girls will flirt with, grind up on, or generally behave hornily towards ANYONE. This is not to say you are unattractive, but keep your head on straight or else you are setting yourself up for disappointment later.
3) OBSERVE THE COCK-BLOCK. OMFG this is the most important one. When a friend of a drunk girl, of either gender, initiates a cock-block, back off and try again another day. You have the right to be irritated as fuck about it, but they’re being a good friend; don’t make their life any harder.
So anyways, “Bandy” didn’t know the rules. “Teth”‘s friends (of whom I am one) noticed her highly unusual behaviour. “Sandi” initiated a classic chick cock-block by dancing with “Teth”, attempting to pull her away. However, she was counter-cock-blocked by “Chris”. As we were preparing to leave, yours truly decided to step things up a bit. Since “Teth” and I live fairly close together, I volunteered to walk her home. By this time she was cognizant enough to realize what she was doing, and tried to extricate herself from the friendly-yet-a-little-too-friendly situation. This is when “Bandy” showed his disregard for all three rules.
Now, far be it from me to underestimate the effects that alcohol has on the human brain (please see my last post) but when someone comes out and says “Okay, for the purposes of tonight, I am being a grade-A cock-block. Tomorrow you can do whatever you like, but tonight she’s getting into bed ALONE and that’s the end of it”, would you not see that as the time to tactfully withdraw? Apparently not.
Gentlemen, I have advice, but first I need you to drink a 26er of rye, so I can talk to the drunk you. I can wait…
…
…
Okay ready?
It has been my own experience and the experience of others (as related to me) that women respect tact and perceptiveness much more than they respect drunken back-rubs while you’re trying to walk home. Not to diminish the greatness if a back-rub, but if it has been clearly articulated to you that you’re not getting anywhere, then the smart thing to do is behave politely and try to salvage any left-over guilt that she might have. The cock-blocker (unless they are an ass) KNOWS that they are violating the rules, but for a noble cause. If you act the fool, they lose any remorse. If you behave well, you’re looking at a recommendation from at LEAST the cock-blocker himself, if not the drunk girl.
Teth, no more for you. Bandy, ‘tis a shame my friend, better luck next time.
To all of you, beware the dangers of loose women.
Let’s talk about something that happened to me last week. I went out to celebrate the birthdays of two friends of mine. We started off at a bar called McMullan’s, drank quite the number of beers (even though everyone thought my red beer was gross I liked it). After a few hours we decided to finish up the night at a karaoke bar called The Silver Spur. I sang like a meadowlark that had been shot in the throat.
Anyways, my singing is not the subject of this post. What happened was a friend of mine… let’s call her “Teth” was acting pretty drunk (although she assures me that she wasn’t) and flirting HEAVILY with this guy… let’s call him “Bandy Roudreau”. Now this would be fine if “Bandy” knew the rules, but I don’t think he did. BTW, here are the rules.
THA RULEZ
1) Don’t ever do anything with a girl when she’s drunk that you wouldn’t do if she was sober. Basically, if she wasn’t interested in you before you bought her all those shots, then it’s date-rape.
2) Drunk girls will flirt with, grind up on, or generally behave hornily towards ANYONE. This is not to say you are unattractive, but keep your head on straight or else you are setting yourself up for disappointment later.
3) OBSERVE THE COCK-BLOCK. OMFG this is the most important one. When a friend of a drunk girl, of either gender, initiates a cock-block, back off and try again another day. You have the right to be irritated as fuck about it, but they’re being a good friend; don’t make their life any harder.
So anyways, “Bandy” didn’t know the rules. “Teth”‘s friends (of whom I am one) noticed her highly unusual behaviour. “Sandi” initiated a classic chick cock-block by dancing with “Teth”, attempting to pull her away. However, she was counter-cock-blocked by “Chris”. As we were preparing to leave, yours truly decided to step things up a bit. Since “Teth” and I live fairly close together, I volunteered to walk her home. By this time she was cognizant enough to realize what she was doing, and tried to extricate herself from the friendly-yet-a-little-too-friendly situation. This is when “Bandy” showed his disregard for all three rules.
Now, far be it from me to underestimate the effects that alcohol has on the human brain (please see my last post) but when someone comes out and says “Okay, for the purposes of tonight, I am being a grade-A cock-block. Tomorrow you can do whatever you like, but tonight she’s getting into bed ALONE and that’s the end of it”, would you not see that as the time to tactfully withdraw? Apparently not.
Gentlemen, I have advice, but first I need you to drink a 26er of rye, so I can talk to the drunk you. I can wait…
…
…
Okay ready?
It has been my own experience and the experience of others (as related to me) that women respect tact and perceptiveness much more than they respect drunken back-rubs while you’re trying to walk home. Not to diminish the greatness if a back-rub, but if it has been clearly articulated to you that you’re not getting anywhere, then the smart thing to do is behave politely and try to salvage any left-over guilt that she might have. The cock-blocker (unless they are an ass) KNOWS that they are violating the rules, but for a noble cause. If you act the fool, they lose any remorse. If you behave well, you’re looking at a recommendation from at LEAST the cock-blocker himself, if not the drunk girl.
Teth, no more for you. Bandy, ‘tis a shame my friend, better luck next time.
To all of you, beware the dangers of loose women.
Posted by Crommunist @ 7:26 pm |
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