Girls vs Women
So yes, it is time for yet ANOTHER Crommunist rant.
There are two types of females in the world. Girls, and women. Girls (ideally) grow to become women, and men everywhere rejoice. This is because women are friends to all mankind. Women are a marvellous balance to masculinity, and when men and women get together, it is a good thing for all parties concerned.
Girls however, are the scum of the universe. Girls are self-absorbed immature brattish hellions bent on the control and domination of the male species. (Now I must put as way of a disclaimer that I am not referring to little girls who are still growing up. If you are below, let’s say, 17, then you are allowed to be a girl.)
It’s difficult to really typify the differences, as they are multitude. Women are mature, self-confident, assertive (without being overly aggressive) people who are still in touch with their femininity. They take pride in their personal appearance without trying to appear overly sluttish. They apply themselves to what they do and are capable of judging a person based on their actions above their possessions.
GIRLS, on the other hand, take particular pleasure in their immaturity. They squeal with delight when they can exploit another human being, or cut them down with scorn. They obsess over personal possessions, self-obsess and have little-to-no ability to share or be any less than the CENTER of attention at all times.
While I can describe the differences quite eloquently, since I am the master of metaphor, the archduke of analogy, the sultan of simile, I will give some examples.
Dude: So, what would you like to do tonight?
Woman: I dunno, whatever
Dude: Well, some of my friends are having a party, we could go there.
Woman: Well I’m not really in a partying mood. Perhaps we could go see a movie? There is a new one out that looks really good.
Dude: Is it a chick flick?
Woman: Kind of. Maybe we can find something we’d both enjoy at the video store and I can take one of my girlfriends to see that other movie another night.
Dude: Okay, I’ll get my keys.
See how easy that was? Now let’s look at GIRLS
Dude: So, what would you like to do tonight?
Girl: I dunno, whatever
Dude: Well, some of my friends are having a party, we could go there.
Girl: No, I don’t really feel like a party
Dude: Well then what do you feel like doing?
Girl: Oh, whatever you want to do…
Dude: How about we rent a movie?
Girl: There’s nothing out that I like.
Dude: Well then suggest something!
Girl: I don’t really care what we do. You pick something…
(Then dude suggests things for half an hour and girl shoots them all down)
Dude: FINE! Why don’t we just go to the mall and you can buy 12 identical pairs of shoes on my credit card!
Girl: Sure, if that’s what you want to do…
- NOTE: I have been in this position. OMFG it sucks –
Situation #2
Woman: Hey, some chick named Julie called while you were out.
Dude: Oh, sorry I forgot to mention this. I am going out to coffee with my friend Julie from work. I think you met her at Jason’s party. She was the supermodel dance instructor with no gag reflex.
Woman: Hmm, when are you two going out?
Dude: That night when you said you were going to be at your mom’s place for dinner. I didn’t want it to conflict with your plans.
Woman: Well that is thoughtful. While I can’t say I am completely comfortable with you and this babe, I know that you have been faithful to me and that you have a right to your own friends. Please be extra-careful not to give this girl any wrong ideas.
Dude: I appreciate your trust and will not to anything to betray it.
Now let’s see what happens when you have a girl as a girlfriend…
Girl: Who is this Chelsea WHORE?
Dude: Pardon me?
Girl: Some chick named Chelsea called while you were on the john.
Dude: Oh, CHELSEA! You met her, remember? She is my hunchback one-legged nun friend with all the warts all over her face? I’m suprised you don’t remember the incredible stench and the stain she left on the carpet.
Girl: YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME!
Dude: How could I? You keep me on this 10’ leash all the time!
Girl: Then why are all these women calling you?
Dude: All these women? Just Chelsea!
Girl: What about that chick Harriet who keeps calling and leaving messages and saying she loves you?
Dude: That’s my MOM!
Girl: Whatever…
Now you see the difference? Of course you don’t. Here is one more.
Woman: Does this dress make me look fat?
(Women, as an aside, this question is NOT fair. There is no right answer to this question, or “do you think that girl is prettier than me?” Just don’t ask, please. On behalf of men everywhere, I’m begging you.)
Dude: No, I like that dress. Besides, you’re beautiful, what could possibly make you look anything less than stunning?
Woman: That is SO sweet. You always know the right thing to say. Tonight we’ll have EXTRA sex.
Dude: Well that suits me just fine.
Wow, what a great gal! But uh-oh, what do girls do?
Girl: Does this dress make me look fat?
Dude: No, I like that dress. Besides, you’re beautiful, what could possible make you look anything less than stunning?
Girl: So then looks are all that matter to you? What about my MIND?
Dude: I love your mind too!
Girl: So you’re saying I’m fat then! I HATE YOU!
There is no way of escaping the circle of girl-logic. You’re wrong no matter what you say. Just throw some money on the dresser and get out of the house.
So now you see the problems. Women, I applaud you. You are genuinely lovely people and a pleasure to have around. Guys everywhere will agree that a woman is a wonderful asset to any relationship. A GIRL however, is good for only one thing… making your life more complicated.
To girls, if you are hot, give me a call.
There are two types of females in the world. Girls, and women. Girls (ideally) grow to become women, and men everywhere rejoice. This is because women are friends to all mankind. Women are a marvellous balance to masculinity, and when men and women get together, it is a good thing for all parties concerned.
Girls however, are the scum of the universe. Girls are self-absorbed immature brattish hellions bent on the control and domination of the male species. (Now I must put as way of a disclaimer that I am not referring to little girls who are still growing up. If you are below, let’s say, 17, then you are allowed to be a girl.)
It’s difficult to really typify the differences, as they are multitude. Women are mature, self-confident, assertive (without being overly aggressive) people who are still in touch with their femininity. They take pride in their personal appearance without trying to appear overly sluttish. They apply themselves to what they do and are capable of judging a person based on their actions above their possessions.
GIRLS, on the other hand, take particular pleasure in their immaturity. They squeal with delight when they can exploit another human being, or cut them down with scorn. They obsess over personal possessions, self-obsess and have little-to-no ability to share or be any less than the CENTER of attention at all times.
While I can describe the differences quite eloquently, since I am the master of metaphor, the archduke of analogy, the sultan of simile, I will give some examples.
Dude: So, what would you like to do tonight?
Woman: I dunno, whatever
Dude: Well, some of my friends are having a party, we could go there.
Woman: Well I’m not really in a partying mood. Perhaps we could go see a movie? There is a new one out that looks really good.
Dude: Is it a chick flick?
Woman: Kind of. Maybe we can find something we’d both enjoy at the video store and I can take one of my girlfriends to see that other movie another night.
Dude: Okay, I’ll get my keys.
See how easy that was? Now let’s look at GIRLS
Dude: So, what would you like to do tonight?
Girl: I dunno, whatever
Dude: Well, some of my friends are having a party, we could go there.
Girl: No, I don’t really feel like a party
Dude: Well then what do you feel like doing?
Girl: Oh, whatever you want to do…
Dude: How about we rent a movie?
Girl: There’s nothing out that I like.
Dude: Well then suggest something!
Girl: I don’t really care what we do. You pick something…
(Then dude suggests things for half an hour and girl shoots them all down)
Dude: FINE! Why don’t we just go to the mall and you can buy 12 identical pairs of shoes on my credit card!
Girl: Sure, if that’s what you want to do…
- NOTE: I have been in this position. OMFG it sucks –
Situation #2
Woman: Hey, some chick named Julie called while you were out.
Dude: Oh, sorry I forgot to mention this. I am going out to coffee with my friend Julie from work. I think you met her at Jason’s party. She was the supermodel dance instructor with no gag reflex.
Woman: Hmm, when are you two going out?
Dude: That night when you said you were going to be at your mom’s place for dinner. I didn’t want it to conflict with your plans.
Woman: Well that is thoughtful. While I can’t say I am completely comfortable with you and this babe, I know that you have been faithful to me and that you have a right to your own friends. Please be extra-careful not to give this girl any wrong ideas.
Dude: I appreciate your trust and will not to anything to betray it.
Now let’s see what happens when you have a girl as a girlfriend…
Girl: Who is this Chelsea WHORE?
Dude: Pardon me?
Girl: Some chick named Chelsea called while you were on the john.
Dude: Oh, CHELSEA! You met her, remember? She is my hunchback one-legged nun friend with all the warts all over her face? I’m suprised you don’t remember the incredible stench and the stain she left on the carpet.
Girl: YOU’RE CHEATING ON ME!
Dude: How could I? You keep me on this 10’ leash all the time!
Girl: Then why are all these women calling you?
Dude: All these women? Just Chelsea!
Girl: What about that chick Harriet who keeps calling and leaving messages and saying she loves you?
Dude: That’s my MOM!
Girl: Whatever…
Now you see the difference? Of course you don’t. Here is one more.
Woman: Does this dress make me look fat?
(Women, as an aside, this question is NOT fair. There is no right answer to this question, or “do you think that girl is prettier than me?” Just don’t ask, please. On behalf of men everywhere, I’m begging you.)
Dude: No, I like that dress. Besides, you’re beautiful, what could possibly make you look anything less than stunning?
Woman: That is SO sweet. You always know the right thing to say. Tonight we’ll have EXTRA sex.
Dude: Well that suits me just fine.
Wow, what a great gal! But uh-oh, what do girls do?
Girl: Does this dress make me look fat?
Dude: No, I like that dress. Besides, you’re beautiful, what could possible make you look anything less than stunning?
Girl: So then looks are all that matter to you? What about my MIND?
Dude: I love your mind too!
Girl: So you’re saying I’m fat then! I HATE YOU!
There is no way of escaping the circle of girl-logic. You’re wrong no matter what you say. Just throw some money on the dresser and get out of the house.
So now you see the problems. Women, I applaud you. You are genuinely lovely people and a pleasure to have around. Guys everywhere will agree that a woman is a wonderful asset to any relationship. A GIRL however, is good for only one thing… making your life more complicated.
To girls, if you are hot, give me a call.
Posted by Crommunist @ 2:05 am |
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