I found out this morning that, despite my incredibly sophisticated mechanism for disguising names, “Bandy Roudreau” and “Teth” somehow figured out that the story was about them. “Teth” or, as she is more commonly known, Alicia Silverstone, seemed okay with it. However, I am a little worried about “Bandy Roudreau”, or Sylvester Stallone. I mean, have you SEEN Rocky? He could beat the shit out of me!

Anyways, if I sudenly go missing, please be advised that I was kidnapped, raped and otherwise manhandled by mister Stallone, and that an immediate freeze of his assets and search of his home should be undertaken. Furthermore, “Chris”, or his real name Galactus, Devourer of Worlds, should not be allowed to leave the country.

Thank you