The Drunken Master
I just finished watching Jackie Chan in Legend of the Drunken Master. Great movie, awesome fight scenes, funny jokes. What struck me most though, was the valuable life-lessons it taught.
For those of you not familiar with the Drunken Master films, I will give a brief synopsis. Jackie stars as Wong Fei-Hung, a rebellious Chinese youth who spends his days carousing with his ne’er-do-well friends. When he’s not mocking his kung-fu instructor or slacking off with his friends, he also enjoys sexually harassing his cousin. This eventually gets him in trouble when his aunt kicks his ass, then tells on him (which I think is unfair. Either one or the other, but both is a little harsh). Fei-Hung is sentenced to train under So Hi, whose training methods are notoriously brutal. Despite running away, Fei-Hung is caught by So Hi and must learn the style of the Drunken Master in order to defeat the assassin sent to kill his father.
In the second film Legend, Fei-Hung returns much chastened by his experiences as a kung-fu master. However, his rebellious streak lands him in trouble when he gets mixed up in the world of artifact theft. Apparently the British are stealing Chinese artifacts and Fei-Hung must stop them with his kung-fu styles.
These seem like short enough plots, but luckily for you and me, each tiny bit of plot development is punctuated by a 15-minute fight scene. These aren’t your sissy Matrix-style fight scenes either. These are Jackie Chan fight scenes (I direct your attention to Supercop when he beats up like 15 ninjas using an A-frame ladder!)
The movie’s simplicity belies the deep and moving lessons one can learn by watching attentively. For your convenience, I have outlined them here.
1) Kung-Fu is the strongest force in the universe
This is the primary lesson, around which all the others orbit. If your kung-fu is strong enough, you can stop multi-million dollar international intrigue. The guys who are highest up on the command chain have the best kung-fu. All the other average Joes have barely passable kung-fu.
2) Every Chinese person knows kung-fu
It’s not just a sterotype. If this movie is to be believed, every single person in China is at least a 2nd-degree black belt in kung-fu. Don’t go to China to pick a fight! You will lose. North-American kung-fu is not strong enough to compete. I wonder why China doesn’t win more medals, considering they can all run up walls and stuff
3) It is possible for one man to fight off a gang of armed men
Numbers do not matter if your kung-fu is strong enough. A million guys with axes are no match for one old guy with a take-charge attitude. Also, if your kung-fu is good enough, enemies will not realize that if three attack at the same time they will easily defeat you. They will also forget that they can throw their axes.
4) There are no negative side-effects to alcohol
Don’t believe the pamphlets or the doctors. Alcohol doesn’t destroy your liver, give you delirium tremens, reduce your higher brain functions or reduce your motor functions. Instead, it gives you incredible wisdom (provided your kung-fu is strong enough), makes you incredibly witty and lovable, and actually improves your chances of winning a fight. By dampening the amount of pain you receive, your co-ordination improves as well as your judgment and reflexes. Also, the more you drink, the sharper you become.
5) The average kung-fu master is indestructible
In Legends, Fei-Hung suffers multiple punches and kicks to the head and face, takes several hits with iron bars, drinks flammable chemicals, and is dragged across molten coals. Yet the next day, all he has to do is sleep off the hangover. This is why the Chinese army has never been defeated (unless you count that time when they were completely occupied by Japan). Not only are they invincible, but they are really good at math. Also, blocking kicks with your face is a really good idea.
6) The government, police and authority figures are useless
It’s not just a rumour anymore. If you have a problem, be it someone you don’t like, a dispute at work, or an entire country attempting to plunder historic treasures, it can be solved by kicking ass. Going to the police, army, government or any authority figure will not help you solve your problems. Nor will calm discussion or diplomacy. The only way to ensure that your way of life can continue is if you kick everyone’s ass until they agree with you, or are dead. (Hmm, I wonder if the American government of the past 60-or-so years watched these movies too)
So kids, draw yourself a pint and practice your kicks, because once you learn kung-fu, your life will be perfect. Except that everyone will want to kill you. But don’t worry: if all else fails, block stuff with your face and no harm shall come to you.
For those of you not familiar with the Drunken Master films, I will give a brief synopsis. Jackie stars as Wong Fei-Hung, a rebellious Chinese youth who spends his days carousing with his ne’er-do-well friends. When he’s not mocking his kung-fu instructor or slacking off with his friends, he also enjoys sexually harassing his cousin. This eventually gets him in trouble when his aunt kicks his ass, then tells on him (which I think is unfair. Either one or the other, but both is a little harsh). Fei-Hung is sentenced to train under So Hi, whose training methods are notoriously brutal. Despite running away, Fei-Hung is caught by So Hi and must learn the style of the Drunken Master in order to defeat the assassin sent to kill his father.
In the second film Legend, Fei-Hung returns much chastened by his experiences as a kung-fu master. However, his rebellious streak lands him in trouble when he gets mixed up in the world of artifact theft. Apparently the British are stealing Chinese artifacts and Fei-Hung must stop them with his kung-fu styles.
These seem like short enough plots, but luckily for you and me, each tiny bit of plot development is punctuated by a 15-minute fight scene. These aren’t your sissy Matrix-style fight scenes either. These are Jackie Chan fight scenes (I direct your attention to Supercop when he beats up like 15 ninjas using an A-frame ladder!)
The movie’s simplicity belies the deep and moving lessons one can learn by watching attentively. For your convenience, I have outlined them here.
1) Kung-Fu is the strongest force in the universe
This is the primary lesson, around which all the others orbit. If your kung-fu is strong enough, you can stop multi-million dollar international intrigue. The guys who are highest up on the command chain have the best kung-fu. All the other average Joes have barely passable kung-fu.
2) Every Chinese person knows kung-fu
It’s not just a sterotype. If this movie is to be believed, every single person in China is at least a 2nd-degree black belt in kung-fu. Don’t go to China to pick a fight! You will lose. North-American kung-fu is not strong enough to compete. I wonder why China doesn’t win more medals, considering they can all run up walls and stuff
3) It is possible for one man to fight off a gang of armed men
Numbers do not matter if your kung-fu is strong enough. A million guys with axes are no match for one old guy with a take-charge attitude. Also, if your kung-fu is good enough, enemies will not realize that if three attack at the same time they will easily defeat you. They will also forget that they can throw their axes.
4) There are no negative side-effects to alcohol
Don’t believe the pamphlets or the doctors. Alcohol doesn’t destroy your liver, give you delirium tremens, reduce your higher brain functions or reduce your motor functions. Instead, it gives you incredible wisdom (provided your kung-fu is strong enough), makes you incredibly witty and lovable, and actually improves your chances of winning a fight. By dampening the amount of pain you receive, your co-ordination improves as well as your judgment and reflexes. Also, the more you drink, the sharper you become.
5) The average kung-fu master is indestructible
In Legends, Fei-Hung suffers multiple punches and kicks to the head and face, takes several hits with iron bars, drinks flammable chemicals, and is dragged across molten coals. Yet the next day, all he has to do is sleep off the hangover. This is why the Chinese army has never been defeated (unless you count that time when they were completely occupied by Japan). Not only are they invincible, but they are really good at math. Also, blocking kicks with your face is a really good idea.
6) The government, police and authority figures are useless
It’s not just a rumour anymore. If you have a problem, be it someone you don’t like, a dispute at work, or an entire country attempting to plunder historic treasures, it can be solved by kicking ass. Going to the police, army, government or any authority figure will not help you solve your problems. Nor will calm discussion or diplomacy. The only way to ensure that your way of life can continue is if you kick everyone’s ass until they agree with you, or are dead. (Hmm, I wonder if the American government of the past 60-or-so years watched these movies too)
So kids, draw yourself a pint and practice your kicks, because once you learn kung-fu, your life will be perfect. Except that everyone will want to kill you. But don’t worry: if all else fails, block stuff with your face and no harm shall come to you.
Posted by Crommunist @ 1:44 am