Dropping the Bomb: A user’s guide
I had a conversation with a female friend of mine, and she related to me the unfortunate story of her interaction with a guy she met.
APPARENTLY, she met this guy and they were talking about a shared interest (I believe it was break-dancing) and they hit it off quite well. At the end of the interaction, she was SHOCKED to learn from friends that the guy found her quite intriguing and wanted to date her.
So I said… well DUH.
Ladies (and I am not just flapping my gums, there ARE women who read this site. I drank tonic water from a hat with a couple of them on St. Patrick’s Day and promised I would write about it), you should stand unamazed if you discover that a guy has a thing for you.
I hearken here to a classic movie about men and women and the way they interact. No, it is not a porno, I have a BIT more class than that. The movie to which I refer is “When Harry Met Sally” with Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan. In that movie, one of my favourite conversations went something like this:
Harry: Men and women can’t just be friends
Sally: What do you mean?
Harry: I mean that if you’re friends with someone, and you’re not interested in him, then he’s interested in you.
Sally: But you and I are friends and you’re not interested in me
Harry: (Awkward silence)
Met: Are you guys gonna need me today?
Okay so maybe I am paraphrasing a LOT, but there is a lot of truth in that. I can’t count the number of times that I have met someone who seems really cool and we appear to have a lot in common and I would like to get to know better (in a naked sort of way), only to find out they have a boyfriend. Or WORSE, when you finally screw up the courage to ask someone out that you’ve been friends with for a while, and only THEN do they drop the bomb that they are currently letting someone else use them for sex.
Well Skivven, you might say, how can such a thing be avoided?
To this question I reply… WHO THE HELL IS SKIVVEN? Why is EVERYONE calling me Skivven?
But there IS an answer to this.
First of all, I want to make a disclaimer, or a caveat if you will:
Women, if you meet a guy, and you hit it off and you have a lot in common and you have a long meaningful conversation, HE IS LIKELY INTERESTED IN YOU!
Women, if a guy asks you to go out, and you don’t have the kind of relationship where you go out and do stuff, or you don’t hang out regularly, HE IS LIKELY ASKING YOU ON A DATE!
Men, WOMEN DO NOT KNOW THIS!
Okay, so let’s run through a little scenario. Steve and Jennifer meet through a mutual acquaintance. Steve is currently not seeing anybody, whereas Jennifer has been dating her boyfriend for a few months. For illustrative purposes, internal monologue is being supplied.
Steve: Hi Jennifer, nice to meet you. (Wow, nice hair, cute face, so-so in the boob department, 8.5/10)
Jennifer: Hi Steve, back at you. (I hope my hair looks all right, so that I can attract guys who I will frustrate because THEY CANNOT HAVE ME!)
Steve: Matt was telling me you’re into synchronized cattle-birthing too.
Jennifer: That’s right.
Steve: That’s awesome. So few SCBers around these parts. We should go grab coffee sometime and compare notes. (I do so hope she says yes, as she seems like a swell girl, and I would so enjoy rogering her thoroughly)
Jennifer: Yeah, I’ve been SCBing since I was young. That’s actually how I got this scar on my inner thigh. (Am I kidding? My hair looks GREAT! I wish my boobs weren’t so so-so though)
Steve: That certainly is an impressive-looking scar. Got any more you want to show me? (Dude, she might be hitting on me)
Jennifer: Only one, but I can’t really show you here, there’s too many people around. (I’m sooooo pretty. Prettier than THAT bitch, anyways…)
Steve: Well maybe we can get together sometime and I’ll show you the back seat of my car. (Dude, she IS hitting on me!)
Jennifer: That sounds like fun. (Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty)
I realize this conversation is a little brief, that in real life it would have been a bit more prolonged, but for the purposes of this issue it is a sufficient case study. What Jennifer SHOULD have done is something like the following:
Steve: Matt was telling me you’re into synchronized cattle-birthing too.
Jennifer: That’s right. It’s funny, so few guys like SCB. I tried to get my boyfriend started on it, but all he’s really interested in doing is giving me multiple orgasms. Sigh Boys, eh?
Steve: Yeah, it’s true, mostly chicks. (Phew, I am ever so glad that she told me that she is seeing someone. Now I know the score, and can plan the rest of my interaction accordingly)
Now there is a right way and a wrong way to do this:
Boy: Hi there.
Girl: BACK OFF! I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!
Boy: Wow! You’re a total bitch!
WRONG!!!
Boy: Hi there.
Girl: Hello
Boy: Have you seen that new movie?
Girl: No, but my boyfriend and I talked about it.
Boy: Wow! You must read Porocrom! Here is $50.
RIGHT!!!
Nobody needs to get that thrown in their face. Try to work it in casually. The best way to do it is to make it seem like you didn’t do it at all.
Now some of you will be saying “Wait a sec, why don’t guys just ASK? Wouldn’t that solve the problem?” While it would solve the problem, it would also make the situation MORE awkward rather than less. Not only that, but nobody likes putting themselves out on the line like that.
Other, more intelligent people will say “Wait a sec, why is this only for women? Don’t guys do this all the time?” My answer is: probably, but I’ve never seen it, having never tried to pick up a guy before. So guys, try to drop it in casually. But be forewarned, some girls will turn into total bitches when they realize that you won’t be curling their toes that evening.
All of these secrets as well as tips on how to subtlely work your significant other into conversation will appear in my book: “Love, sex, relationships, and other things I am not at all qualified to talk about” soon to be released from Porocrom Publishing.
APPARENTLY, she met this guy and they were talking about a shared interest (I believe it was break-dancing) and they hit it off quite well. At the end of the interaction, she was SHOCKED to learn from friends that the guy found her quite intriguing and wanted to date her.
So I said… well DUH.
Ladies (and I am not just flapping my gums, there ARE women who read this site. I drank tonic water from a hat with a couple of them on St. Patrick’s Day and promised I would write about it), you should stand unamazed if you discover that a guy has a thing for you.
I hearken here to a classic movie about men and women and the way they interact. No, it is not a porno, I have a BIT more class than that. The movie to which I refer is “When Harry Met Sally” with Billy Crystal and Meg Ryan. In that movie, one of my favourite conversations went something like this:
Harry: Men and women can’t just be friends
Sally: What do you mean?
Harry: I mean that if you’re friends with someone, and you’re not interested in him, then he’s interested in you.
Sally: But you and I are friends and you’re not interested in me
Harry: (Awkward silence)
Met: Are you guys gonna need me today?
Okay so maybe I am paraphrasing a LOT, but there is a lot of truth in that. I can’t count the number of times that I have met someone who seems really cool and we appear to have a lot in common and I would like to get to know better (in a naked sort of way), only to find out they have a boyfriend. Or WORSE, when you finally screw up the courage to ask someone out that you’ve been friends with for a while, and only THEN do they drop the bomb that they are currently letting someone else use them for sex.
Well Skivven, you might say, how can such a thing be avoided?
To this question I reply… WHO THE HELL IS SKIVVEN? Why is EVERYONE calling me Skivven?
But there IS an answer to this.
First of all, I want to make a disclaimer, or a caveat if you will:
Women, if you meet a guy, and you hit it off and you have a lot in common and you have a long meaningful conversation, HE IS LIKELY INTERESTED IN YOU!
Women, if a guy asks you to go out, and you don’t have the kind of relationship where you go out and do stuff, or you don’t hang out regularly, HE IS LIKELY ASKING YOU ON A DATE!
Men, WOMEN DO NOT KNOW THIS!
Okay, so let’s run through a little scenario. Steve and Jennifer meet through a mutual acquaintance. Steve is currently not seeing anybody, whereas Jennifer has been dating her boyfriend for a few months. For illustrative purposes, internal monologue is being supplied.
Steve: Hi Jennifer, nice to meet you. (Wow, nice hair, cute face, so-so in the boob department, 8.5/10)
Jennifer: Hi Steve, back at you. (I hope my hair looks all right, so that I can attract guys who I will frustrate because THEY CANNOT HAVE ME!)
Steve: Matt was telling me you’re into synchronized cattle-birthing too.
Jennifer: That’s right.
Steve: That’s awesome. So few SCBers around these parts. We should go grab coffee sometime and compare notes. (I do so hope she says yes, as she seems like a swell girl, and I would so enjoy rogering her thoroughly)
Jennifer: Yeah, I’ve been SCBing since I was young. That’s actually how I got this scar on my inner thigh. (Am I kidding? My hair looks GREAT! I wish my boobs weren’t so so-so though)
Steve: That certainly is an impressive-looking scar. Got any more you want to show me? (Dude, she might be hitting on me)
Jennifer: Only one, but I can’t really show you here, there’s too many people around. (I’m sooooo pretty. Prettier than THAT bitch, anyways…)
Steve: Well maybe we can get together sometime and I’ll show you the back seat of my car. (Dude, she IS hitting on me!)
Jennifer: That sounds like fun. (Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty)
I realize this conversation is a little brief, that in real life it would have been a bit more prolonged, but for the purposes of this issue it is a sufficient case study. What Jennifer SHOULD have done is something like the following:
Steve: Matt was telling me you’re into synchronized cattle-birthing too.
Jennifer: That’s right. It’s funny, so few guys like SCB. I tried to get my boyfriend started on it, but all he’s really interested in doing is giving me multiple orgasms. Sigh Boys, eh?
Steve: Yeah, it’s true, mostly chicks. (Phew, I am ever so glad that she told me that she is seeing someone. Now I know the score, and can plan the rest of my interaction accordingly)
Now there is a right way and a wrong way to do this:
Boy: Hi there.
Girl: BACK OFF! I HAVE A BOYFRIEND!
Boy: Wow! You’re a total bitch!
WRONG!!!
Boy: Hi there.
Girl: Hello
Boy: Have you seen that new movie?
Girl: No, but my boyfriend and I talked about it.
Boy: Wow! You must read Porocrom! Here is $50.
RIGHT!!!
Nobody needs to get that thrown in their face. Try to work it in casually. The best way to do it is to make it seem like you didn’t do it at all.
Now some of you will be saying “Wait a sec, why don’t guys just ASK? Wouldn’t that solve the problem?” While it would solve the problem, it would also make the situation MORE awkward rather than less. Not only that, but nobody likes putting themselves out on the line like that.
Other, more intelligent people will say “Wait a sec, why is this only for women? Don’t guys do this all the time?” My answer is: probably, but I’ve never seen it, having never tried to pick up a guy before. So guys, try to drop it in casually. But be forewarned, some girls will turn into total bitches when they realize that you won’t be curling their toes that evening.
All of these secrets as well as tips on how to subtlely work your significant other into conversation will appear in my book: “Love, sex, relationships, and other things I am not at all qualified to talk about” soon to be released from Porocrom Publishing.
Posted by Crommunist @ 11:22 pm |
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