Crommunist

Dear faithful readers,

First off, we want to apologize to you for subjecting you to such a bland, boring, run-of-the-mill blogging experience as you have witnessed in the past few days. We thought it was funny… until people started telling us they liked it…

At Porocrom, we believe in two basic things:

  1. Hot chicks should get naked and take pictures of themselves wrestling in pudding for our amusement
  2. WHAT you read is as important as HOW you read it
  3. Counting is for suckers

Blogspot has been our home for nearly a year now, but like having to take your 12 year-old cousin to Chuck E. Cheese’s, we’re bored and ready to do something new. Thus, we are very proud and happy to reveal the NEW look of Porocrom. From the beginning, we have tried to redefine what it is to be a “Blog”. Blogging once meant “Online journal for whiny teenage suburban Goth wannabes”. Forthwith and forevermore, it shall mean “Thing that doesn’t suck… as much”

So please update your bookmarks, change your fan-mail appropriately, and sit back as we walk you through a few of the new features you can expect to see here at Porocrom’s Crappaper.

Poromenos

I am Poromenos the Flatulent, and I shall herewith introduce you to our new features of our blog column thing. They are these:

  • Layout. A look that will make you feel a tingling sensation in your genital region if female. Other side effects might include involuntary twitching and an irresistible urge for sex with the Porocrom guys. If symptoms persist, see your doctor (and by doctor I mean me. Punani-doctor.). No such symptoms have yet been observed on male specimens.
  • Comments. The new comments rock. I love them. They are so sexy. Anyway, yes, you can make comments and write stuff on them which we will read and either praise you or pwn you, depending on if you are 2 kewl 4 skool or a FOOL.
  • Site registration. This enables us to keep tabs on you like a totalitarian government. Registering for the site includes entering your name, email address, penis/breast size (whichever is applicable, if both please tell us so we can make fun of you) and our installing secret cameras in your house and monitoring your every movement, unless that movement is not sex. But seriously, registered users will enjoy many more benefits which will range from showing your name on comments to not not showing your name on comments. REGISTER NOW and take advantage of our deal like a chick passed out in a dark alley: A Natalie Portman bedroom spycam for your exclusive use! (*WARNING:* May be fictitious).
  • Much easier uploading of pictures. While this doesn’t mean we will begin inserting free porn (hey, what’s p2p for?), it does mean that you will be seeing many more pictures on the site. This will hopefully appease the Fire God Moloch and make him stop lighting my carpet on fire. HAPPY NOW, YOU SON OF A BITCH?!
  • Statistics that rock. Now we know who visited our site, where from, what browser he was using, whether he wanted to be born as a different sex and how often they have sex (that last one is just a fixed field that says “Never”, but it’s cool to have nevertheless). Granted, you won’t be seeing any of these statistics, but like sex, you will at least be glad it exists.
  • More made-up advantages. Since it’s 5 am and I’m tired, I will just let you imagine of other advantages, like the site making coffee or helping you find the love of your life through comments you both made on a post about gingivitis that turned into a lifelong relationship of mutual respect (because, well, you’re both nerds :-( ).

So, valued reader, we’re excited to have you along on this important step. Over the next few days, expect to see some changes. As always, let us know what you think. If you like, if you don’t like, if you don’t care… we love to hear from you.

And to the people who liked hearing us drone on about our days… yikes. Just yikes… :P