Porocrom’s Crappaper

I am on the bus right now, continuing my odyssey of a journey towards home for the summer, like a swallow or something, except I’m not flying. And do you know how I know I’m not flying? Because if I was I wouldn’t have to put up with these whining pussies next to me. Now, I don’t like generalisation, and just as I wouldn’t like a woman to say “Men are pigs” I’m not going to say “Women are whiners”, but these women sure are. By the way, forsooth the following are really actual things I indeed heard them say during the trip, verily. Seriously though, they did say everything in the list below. Except that last thing, which I added to make them look bad. But it doesn’t, now, because I told you it is fake, so what’s the point in adding it? Oh well, I’ll add it anyway to make it longer.

1. “Oh my god, the rest stop is closed. OMGOMGOMGOMG THE HORRAR! I NEED TO PEE! I NEED TO EAT! I NEED TO BROSH MY HARE!” Shut the fuck up, woman, you ate yesterday! The fucking stop is closed, deal with it.
2. “Omg the driver should just go instead of waiting here omg why is he waiting omg the stop is closed omg I will complane to teh preseident!” The driver is fucking waiting for people to get on the bus, bitch, what the hell! Although, good idea, he should just go. Hey, is that a restroom down there? Go pee, sure you have time.
3. “Omg teh drivar is going 2 fast 2 furious!!111one”. Oh no, he’s not doing 10 km/h, stop the presses! You were still going to complain if you were late, so it’s a lose/lose situation for the driver.
4. “Omg my ticket has no name on it, what if I lose it, then anyone can claim it! They should write the name on the ticket”. That is an ingenious idea, actually. They should write the name on the ticket. But you shouldn’t complain when you get carded and logged getting a fucking ticket because they have to write your fucking dumbass name on it. Don’t lose the ticket, skank! It’s not as hard as it sounds, Try it. I’ve done it lots of times.
5. “I suck cock.”

I feel much better now. It was either writing this or killing the crazy bitches. They don’t know it, but they are very very lucky my laptop battery wasn’t dead.

Postscriptum: The driver is actually going a bit too fast. I hope I live to post this. Well, if you’re reading this I probably did, so I’m glad.

Here we are again, after the Dio/Twisted Sister/Anthrax/Katatonia/(almost) Zyklon concert. Zyklon didn’t get to play because a member of the band got injured (I don’t know which one), so I have no idea what they were like, but I bet they were really good. Katatonia were great, they had some good songs, I shall be listening to them more in the near future. Anthrax I wasn’t all that familiar with, they were OK I guess. Twisted Sister were also good, if a bit gay. And now, to the band I went to the concert for.

DIO

Unfortunately, the English language (or any other language for that matter) lacks the words to describe how much Dio rocked. Therefore, I have perforce invented my own language to write this review in, most of the words of which mean “awesome” but in a much higher degree. Also unfortunately, noone of you would understand this language if I wrote in it, because it is newly invented (duh), and also I have not invented writing for Porolanguage yet.

I know I promised a review, and I don’t want to let you down like a certain band that rhymes with Miron Aiden did by not singing a song that rhymes with Dear of the Fark. Instead, we at Porocrom shall provide you with a torrent of pictures and videos of the concert, including videos of Dio singing Egypt, Man on the Silver Mountain and Holy Diver. You can expect the torrent in September, because we don’t have the resources at the moment.

Unfortunately, Ronnie James Dio was unavailable for comment because he left immediately after the concert, and we could not get a statement for the readers of Porocrom (both of them). Oh well, maybe we’ll get something from Scorpions.