Today is a big day for mankind. The space shuttle Discovery will probably land if they can discover why pieces of it keep detaching more often than like Michael Jackson’s nose, Jessica Simpson proclaimed Daisy Duke (whoever that is) an “iconish” (sic) figure, and I got rainbow-coloured socks with individual toes!

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But that’s not all. No sir, not by a long shot. You see, these socks have another perk. They have tiny red plastic feet on the bottom so you can walk barefoot and never lose your traction. I bet you could walk on ice with these socks and not fall (as long as there’s no water on the ice). They look great on men and I am guessing they look fantastic on women. I shall immediately convince a woman to wear these socks (and only them) and I will take pictures for your viewing pleasure. I will, however, pixellate the entire chick because this is a family site and children might be reading this, you sick motherfuckers. The socks will be visible though.

There should not be a single man without rainbow-coloured socks with individual toes. They are stylish, they are warm (actually not as warm as you’d think, they’re actually quite cool which is great for the summer because your feet don’t sweat and stink, and the ladies like that) and they’re just super leet. Everyone is jealous of my socks, so you must go out now and search for and buy a pair of these socks. Oh, and if you know where I can find a razor that’s like a switchblade, you know, the ones all the murderers threaten to cut people’s throats with in movies (not the blades women in bathtubs use to slit their wrists, I want the long one with the hilt) tell me, because I’ve been looking for one for ages.