Stadium Pal
As you have probably suspected, we at Porocrom are devoted to bringing you reviews of only the absolute best products. Today we are reviewing a product whose idea is as ingenious as its implementation useful. We present Stadium Pal. Do you love wetting yourself in public, but hate the hassle of getting arrested and shunned? Then this product is for you.
Stadium Pal is one of those products conceived when a brain-dead person accidentally replaced their IV with LSD because they smoked too much weed. It is basically a bag with a long tube attached to it. You strap the bag to your leg, and you wrap the tube against your peepee and then when you piss, it goes into the bag. When the bag is full it hopefully bursts, killing you and spraying everyone in a 100-feet radius in piss and blood, so that your relatives will write on your tombstone “He died and people got pissed”.
Stadium Pal is one of the stupidest things I’ve ever seen, and this is coming from a guy with a comedy blog. I mean, what is so gripping that you could not possibly take your eyes off to go piss? Want to watch a game? It only lasts an hour or so, and they have plenty of breaks inbetween. Not to mention that you can, you know, go before or after it? I guess that “people not in a vegetative state” is not one of Stadium Pal’s target groups.
Another excuse for using this abomination that I hear frequently is “on long car trips”. This is actually quite valid, if you have to drive for eight hours straight and stay above 50 mph because otherwise the entire bus will blow up, killing everyone in it. Otherwise, you can take a break and use a restroom or a sufficiently big bush.
On top of being useless, Stadium Pal costs $29.95, which is $35 more than I am willing to pay for a bag and a tube, so we have included instructions on how to create your own Stadium Pal. You will need:
- Three plastic straws.
- Two pieces of string, 1ft long each.
- A plastic bag.
Take the straws and insert one into the other, like you used to do when you were a kid and your parents would leave you alone in the coffeehouse to go gamble their foodstamps away. Take the plastic bag, tie it to your leg using the pieces of string and tie the top with what is left of the top piece of string. Insert the one end of the long straw you created in the bag and the other in your penis (this might hurt a little or render you impotent, don’t worry) and you’re all set.
/images/thumb-asspal.jpg” style=“border-width: .5em 0 .8em 1.4em; border: 1px solid #ccc; padding: 3px !important; margin: .5em;” title=”“ alt=”“ />We have, nevertheless, spotted a glaring omission on the part of BioRelief (the makers of Stadium Pal), and that is that there is nothing available if you want to take a dump while watching “the game”. So, we now present to you this amazing new product, the Ass Pal. Simply insert the tube (which is coloured red for easy access) in your ass and you are ready to go (pun intended)! The plastic bag can be changed when it is full and it is very inexpensive. We have also done some research, and have arrived to the conclusion that by combining the Stadium Pal with the Ass Pal, you can sit on your couch and not get up for a whopping 81 days!
Stay tuned for more reviews of brilliant products!
I thought I was your Ass Pal…
Comment on October 18, 2005 @ 6:31 pm
These sorts of products aren’t as unusual as you might think. Pilots and passengers of small aircraft often find themselves with less bladder capacity than fuel. Most of the time this isn’t a big deal. However, sometimes, when cruising at higher altitudes, there just isn’t any way to get to a restroom in a timely fashion. Often the situation is exacerbated because of inhospitable terrain or weather below.
There have been such products sold to pilots for at least the last 15 years since I’ve held my pilot certificate. Let’s also not forget those older members of society who are more incontinent. This is a discreet way to handling the situation…
Comment on October 19, 2005 @ 8:29 pm
That I can understand, however there is absolutely NO excuse for someone whose bladder works well and has a restroom within 20 feet from them to have one of these. Getting a Stadium Pal so you don’t have to wait 10 minutes to pee is lazy and is punishable by destruction of your prostate.
Comment on October 20, 2005 @ 3:59 am
“There have been such products sold to pilots for at least the last 15 years since I’ve held my pilot certificate. “
Truckers just use a 4 qt milk jug. Guess you can’t just pitch that out of a plane when it’s full though…
Comment on January 5, 2006 @ 8:30 pm
can’t? or WONT?!
Comment on January 7, 2006 @ 6:54 pm
I just popped an achilles tendon, and it is a major pain in the ass to get up and take a leak. As I am often drunk and balancing on one leg most of the piss ends up all over the floor anyways so I think one of these stadium pals would be just the ticket for people with injuries who choose to self medicate with beer.
I like the idea about the ass pal, but you would have to put a warning on it regarding fiber intake.
Comment on February 15, 2006 @ 2:55 pm
you dumb bastard name one game or sports event that last “an hour or so”. Average game times are 3 hours
Comment on August 17, 2006 @ 1:47 pm
Soccer lasts 90 minutes by definition, but I will not hold your inability to count against you. Being stupid is noone’s fault.
Comment on August 18, 2006 @ 5:17 am
I have to disagree with you Poro.
If Anonymous’ mom had managed to put down the gin bottle for about… oh let’s say 9 months, I don’t think we’d have this problem today.
That’s why I’m in favour of abortion WELL after the third trimester.
Comment on August 18, 2006 @ 8:29 am
Well, in her defence, she probably thought she was in the “first trimester or so”, so she had time.
Comment on August 18, 2006 @ 8:33 am