The movies
I went to see a movie yesterday to this new multiplex movie theatre thing which boasted a screen the size of the equator, a sound system that plays even sounds you can’t hear and seats that give you orgasms. By the way, if you watch Ong Bak, there’s some chalk writing on a wall somewhere that says “Hi, Speilberg. Let do it together.” I wonder if they are going to “do it together”… But yes, the theatre.
I don’t understand the point of larger and larger screens. They have gotten so large that I always have to turn my head from side to side to catch the entire frame. Whenever conversation scenes come on I get spinal injuries, I have watched tennis games with less pain than that. I can only blame the stupid people that go to whatever theatre has the largest screen. Here’s a tip, Einstein: If you want a big screen, stick your nose up to your TV and watch, it’s much better that way.
Also, what is up with the sound systems? People seem to have mistaken “better quality” for “higher volume”. Hey, owner guy, I would prefer gunshots not to cause my ear drums to bleed. On romantic scenes it feels like I’m in a club and on action scenes it feels like I’m strapped to the bottom of the space shuttle during takeoff. Digital sound is great as long as it doesn’t cause deafness, and soon my insurance company will stop covering cinema-related injuries so a movie will cost about $1300.
Needless to say, the seats didn’t give me an orgasm (or if they did it was when I was unconscious), my pants were clean. Seriously though, how can each row of seats be a foot higher than the next one and I still get some guy’s head right where Kate Beckinsale’s genitalia is supposed to be? Damn you, tall guy. Maybe it would help if they didn’t make the fucking screen larger than a football field and then lower it right in front of the first row.
And don’t get me started about the popcorn and soda. Since when do they cost more than the actual fucking ticket? A bucket of popcorn costs like $6, and last time I checked it took two cobs of corn and some salt to make it. We grow that shit by the ton, what the fuck caused a worldwide shortage of corn these days? And since when did a medium Coke cost $3? Where am I, Africa?
The thing that pisses me off the most is that almost every movie is a piece of shit. I remember watching Ecks vs. Sever a few years ago, it was the most expensive nap I ever took. I slept through 90% of the movie and I still know the plot. It was like “doze off, explosion, wake up, Antonio Banderas. Doze off, explosion, wake up, Antonio Banderas”. What an original concept, and Lucy Liu wasn’t even naked in any scene (or maybe I missed it, but I doubt it, I would have woken up if anyone was moaning). At least there’s not much else to do in the theatre so my ADD isn’t a problem, but it takes me 3 days to watch a DVD when I rent one. Late fees are a bitch.
In summation, they should give you a complimentary blowjob with each movie, and with all the darkness in the cinema I wouldn’t even take that, you never know who’s doing the sucking. Also, I just finished watching Saw II, and it’s not as horrible as the first one, but a bit more stupid. Imagine, you’re in a house full of traps and you just rush to grab everything you see. “Oops, I died.” That’s Saw II.
P.S. Best movie ever: The Shawshank Redemption (Disclaimer: I haven’t watched any one of the Godfathers)
The seats may not give you an orgasm, but if you’re a female (the indefinate article you’re, I know full well that YOU are not female, Poro. I know that all Greeks are male. Especially the women) you at least stand a decent chance of getting pregnant. Those places are heinous. The floors and seats are always sticky. I mean, you hope it’s old gum and soda, but really, it stands a reasonable chance of being a dark sperm bank with a movie and popcorn.
Comment on March 1, 2006 @ 6:55 am
I pretty much agree with you about Shawshank Redemption being the best movie ever, but I recently saw Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind, an animated movie by “http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hayao_Miyazaki” title=“Wikipedia page”>Hayao Miyazaki. I think it is not only a very moving and emotional story, but it also teaches important things like mot polluting the environment, etc. I highly recommend you (and everyone else) watch it, you will be amazed.
I also agree with you about the bigger screens and incredibly loud sound systems. I recently really noticed it when I was watching a terrible movie, and could not get the damn thing out of my field of vision, nor concentrate hard enough to keep out the booming voices! Fortunately the movie’s ending was very good, so it wasn’t a complete loss.
Comment on March 11, 2006 @ 6:58 pm
There are several mistakes in the Shawshank Redemption movie. We have listed most of them below.
* In the year the story I bade federal income taxes were due on March 15th, and not April 15th as they where stated.
* When Warden Norton shoots himself under the chin the scene changes to a wide shot. The bullet hole moves between the scenes. Frank Darabont admits that this was a mistake. In 2004 at the 10 year anniversary of he Shawshank Redemption this scene was fixed as it bugged Frank Darabont so much.
* On the newspaper headline announcing the corruption at Shawshank prison the word “indictment” is misspelled as “indictement”.
* When Red sits in the hay field in New England the sound of a cactus wren is clearly audible. Central Texas would have had the nearest cactus wren.
* During the aerial shot at the beginning of the film the new jail is visible behind the old jail.
* When Red is riding on the bus going up the hill, a car which does not belong to that period is visible in a driveway.
* When Tommy enters the yard to talk to Warden Norton about confirming Andy’s innocence, the Warden offers Tommy a Marlboro cigarette. The packet has Marlboro Miles on them, which only appeared during the 1990’s.
* When Brooks holds Heywood, and holds a knife to his neck, blood is visible on one shot, but then disappears in the next shot, before appearing again.
* Red’s hat falls to the sand after it is blown from his head by the wind. The next scene shows his fat further from the sea then Red had originally walked.
* Warden Norton gives Andy a pie on a plate in a pie box. When Andy and Red are eating the pie although the box is the same the plate is different.
* Andy goes to the bank to withdraw the warden’s money. A man is standing at the counter talking to a teller. As Andy leaves the bank the same man walks up to the teller’s window.
* As the Warden gives his “Inside Out” speech a CP-16R camera with a new style magazine is visible.
* As Andy and Red talk about Andy’s rock hammer, Red is playing catch with other prisoners. Red catches the ball, talks to Andy, and then catches the ball again, before he throws the ball back.
* When the driver drops Red at Buxton he says “Here it is”, but the drivers lips continue to move after the sound has stopped.
* The recording of “Le nozze di Figaro” is from 1968, after the setting of the movie.
* Brooks hangs himself by kicking a table from below his feet. His feet barely fall at all. In the next shot we see that he should have fallen a much further distance.
* The poster of Rita Hayworth that Andy has on his cell wall is from a collection of celebrity posters from the early 1960’s, way after the period of the story.
* When Red is reading Andy’s letter we see the letter from the written side which has horizontal creases. When the scene changes we see the letter from the back, and the letter has vertical creases.
* When the cells are tossed Andy’s small stone-works are knocked by prison guard Hadley. The Bishop swaps between standing up and being knocked over incorrectly between shots.
But there is such a place as Buxton, Maine.
Comment on August 20, 2006 @ 6:56 am
Eh, what if a movie has mistakes? I didn’t notice any of them.
<3 The Shawshank Redemption
Comment on August 20, 2006 @ 10:25 am
The Shawshank Redemption may not be entirely hostorically accurate, let’s face it, most history based movies are actually way off the mark, but it does at least have a credible story to tell, unlike so many movies coming out of Hollydoo these days..
Comment on December 19, 2006 @ 11:22 pm