Porocrom’s Crappaper

I’ve wanted to do a BIL on this band, but they’ve only produced two albums, so I feel it might be a bit premature. Instead, I’m going to review their latest album.

Billy Talent: Billy Talent II

This album was released in June of 2006, the long-anticipated sequel to 2003’s Billy Talent.

Track Listing

1. Devil in a Midnight Mass (released as a single)

• Relative rating: 3/13
• Star rating:

“Devil in a midnight mass, he preyed behind stained glass/A memory of Sunday class resurrected from the past.”

This first offering from this album (to both the album owner and the radio listener) shows a darker side to the band that wasn’t fully explored on their first album. The song is an obvious reference to the many recent cases of child abuse perpetrated by priests in the Catholic church. Musically this is a hard-rockin’ song that really doesn’t give the listener any breaks, a somewhat fitting motif considering the subject matter of the song.

2. Red Flag (released as a single)

• Relative rating: 1/13
• Star rating:

“Cast off the crutch that kills the pain, the red flag waving never meant the same/The kids of tomorrow don’t need today when they live in the sins of yesterday”

I’m really not sure how I feel about this song. It’s definitely my least favourite from the album: rather simplistic and almost Sum41-esque in its style. The lyrics aren’t bad, but it strikes me a bit too much like a Linkin Park or Simple Plan attempt to resonate with a marginalized teen audience with bulging pockets. It’s still Billy Talent, and that redeems this song.

3. This Suffering

• Relative rating: 8/13
• Star rating:

“Like a target drawn across my chest, she’s a bullet in Russian roulette”
This song has an almost melancholy feel, despite being a hard-rockin’ face-bangin’ anthem. I really like the echo effects in the first couple lines of each verse. This song begins to scratch the surface of some of the depth that is seen more clearly in subsequent tracks on this album. For this album, it’s a middle-of-the-road type of song, somewhat forgettable, but it’s still a great song on its own.

4. Worker Bees

• Relative rating: 12/13
• Star rating:

“We take our orders given by the queen, we’re not the killers we’re the worker bees”

Wow… that’s all I can say listening to this song. The metaphor contained in this song is one of the best I’ve heard from a punk rock band, a genre dominated (in my experience) by overbearing symbolism. This song is definitely the most intelligent on the album, as it takes a song that sounds like a war anthem and overlays a strong anti-war satirical portrayal of grunt soldiers as worker bees. I hope Bush plays this one for the troops… If you have ANY opinion on the U.S. involvement in the middle-east, give this song a listen.

5. Pins and Needles

• Relative rating: 13/13
• Star rating

“Never understood how she could mean so little to so many, why does she mean everything to me?”

This has quickly become one of my favourite songs of all time. If we can ignore the lyrics for just a moment, this song is the most musically poignant and powerful song on this album. The guitar line that runs behind this track gives it a certain level of sophistication, but it’s the tune that makes this song stand out the most. Deeply passionate and emotionally raw, this track is easily the standard by which all other Billy Talent can be judged. Have a listen and see if you agree. The only bone I have to pick with this song is that it is TOO SHORT. I have to listen to it 2 or 3 times before I am satisfied.

6. Fallen Leaves (released as single)

• Relative rating: 9/13
• Star rating:

“In a crooked little town they were lost and never found, fallen leaves on the ground”

Again, because this is such a great album, some of the middling songs are easily overlooked. This song, like most of the others on this album, discusses a serious social topic. In this case, drug use and addiction in urban youth. There’s really nothing particular to SAY about this song… except that it is also good.

7. Where is the Line?

• Relative rating: 2/13
• Star rating:

“Urban Hipster, the new gangster… fronting by the club/New wave mannequins packing haircuts, instead of packing guns”

It’s about friggin’ TIME those hipsters drew some ire from the mainstream. If you don’t know what a hipster is, go read http://www.catandgirl.com. This is a biting rebuke to anyone who has snobbed someone over not having the right shoes or listening to the wrong music. Not one of my favourites musically, but still a great song lyrically.

8. Covered in Cowardice

• Relative rating: 6/13
• Star rating:

“Twisted tongues will place you in their category. Face to face you’ll hear them tell a different story”

Yet another legitimately good but overshadowed song on this album. These relative ratings are difficult to do on an album like this, because even the worst song on this album is a decent song on its own. This song is an attack of hypocrisy, admonishing the listener to “beware the voice without a face”. This song shows a decent amount of musical contrast, and the lyrics are tight.

9. Surrender

• Relative Rating: 4/13
• Star rating:

“She reads a book from across the street, waiting for someone she’ll never meet. Talk over coffee for an hour or two, wonders why I’m always in a good mood”

I never really got into this song. It’s another melancholy ballad-type, but it doesn’t resonate as strongly with me as Pins and Needles. Lyrically and musically somewhat straightforward, this song just doesn’t stand out for me compared to the rest of this album.

10. The Navy Song

• Relative Rating: 11/13
• Star Rating:

“Time, rolling along with the waves a thousand miles away, holding you close in the rain, seems just like yesterday…”

This song is commonly mislabeled as ‘In the Fall’ but it’s actually called ‘The Navy Song’. I’ll give you all a second to go change your downloaded mp3s… okay done? Good.

This song is somewhat related to ‘Worker Bees’ except without the metaphor. The song is sung from the point of view of a navy recruit, shipping out for the first time. It’s a tragic song, but powerful and well-written. The band has managed once again to take a hard-rock approach to a song and temper it with underlying softness that sets up a great contrast and makes for a good song.

11. Perfect World

• Relative Rating: 5/13
• Star Rating:

“All we shared was a mattress and a lie and an address…”

I guess every album needs a ‘I’m glad we broke up’ song. It’s not the greatest song on the record, really straightforward and forgettable. Once again there isn’t a whole lot to say about this track… except that nobody should use “Control Alt Deleted” as a song lyric.

12. Sympathy

• Relative Rating: 7/13
• Star Rating:

“A slap in the face, and I can’t erase these things that you say, don’t make it all okay it’s not okay”

Despite its lower rating, this is actually a decent song. The content is innovative: a request that a person not be overly sympathetic. Maybe it’s only because I agree with the subject matter that I like this song, but it’s a pretty decent track. Apparently this song was written about Stephen Harper. Way to stick it to that helmet-haired weirdo.

13. Burn the Evidence

• Relative Rating: 10/13
• Star Rating:

“In a garage beside a house there is a luxury sedan, and for his next monthly installment he’s gonna go out with a bang…”

Out of all the songs on the album, this is probably the best to end it with. It’s a strong offering that alternates between a softer side and a very fast-paced, hard and edgy sound. This song, surprisingly, talks about the pain of forced retirement and depression in the newly-unemployed. I’ve seen bands discuss subjects relevant to groups younger than themselves, but rarely have I ever seen songs written for older people.

Overall impression

I’ve used the term ‘album’ a few times in this review, and I feel like I am not being accurate: this is really a collection of songs. There’s not really a unifying theme or any attempt to create mood or feeling in the song mixture. It’s really more accurate to call this a record rather than an album.

The album is actually very aptly titled. Billy Talent II seems like the other half of Billy Talent. The two albums complement each other quite well, and are idiomatically very similar. Without being repetitive, the second album almost seems like a continuation of the first. One thing you will notice that is strikingly different is that Ben Kowalewicz doesn’t scream as much. Instead of using it as the focus of songs (i.e. ‘Line and Sinker’) it is now used sparingly as an effect to add intensity. Another thing even casual listeners will notice is that there is a lot more depth to these songs. They show internal contrast and thematic changes. That being said, there’s not a lot of differences between each song (at least musically speaking). The middle songs are essentially interchangable to the casual listener, as most use the same guitar effects and musical arc.

Overall, this is a collection of good songs. Nothing on this album scores below a 3 out of 5, and a number of them score 4.5 or 5. The band has shown its willingness to develop its sound, and I hope that translates into a more album-like album.

I give this album 3.5 out of 5 stars.

To buy or not to buy?

This is an album worth having almost for the art alone. If you liked Billy Talent (the first album) you should go out and buy this album. It’s got everything you liked about the first one, with some more mature touches and great songs. If you haven’t heard the first album, you should go buy this album. Billy Talent is a great band, and this is a great bunch of songs by them. If you didn’t like the first album, then this one is probably not for you. I’m glad I bought it… even though I lost it shortly afterwards

For my maiden voyage of this new feature, I’m going to fulfil a promise I made almost 2 years ago and review this album:

Cake: Pressure Chief

This is Cake’s 5th album, released in 2004, and their second on the Columbia label.

Track Listing

1. Wheels

• Relative rating: 4/11
• Star rating:

“In a wooden boat in the shipping lanes with the freighters towering over me, I can hear the jets flying overhead making lines across the darkening sky.”

This song is fun. On an album that is fun to begin with, this song stands out as particularly fun. Staying out of the tradition of deep longing breakup songs, this is a song about post-relationship freedom. Definitely a good song to start a mix-tape with (or an album, I suppose).

2. No Phone (released as a single)

• Relative rating: 1/11
• Star rating:

“No phone, no phone, I just want to be alone today”
I’m not sure why the band selected this one as a single. It’s not one of the stronger tracks on the album, and there are more memorable and Cake-like songs to choose from. At any rate, this is a quirky song relating the pressures of trying to achieve some peace in a world full of home, office and cellular phones.

3. Take It All Away

• Relative rating: 6/11
• Star rating:

“You keep pushing me away, in spite of what you say, I found out yesterday…”
Musically, this song is one of the better ones on the album. It’s much more brooding and deep than some of the other songs on the album. Definitely in contention for the least fun, but it’s got a very good beat. Listen for the comparison between the end of a relationship and a car accident… I think it’s pretty effective.

4. Dime

• Relative rating: 8/11
• Star rating:

“In the brown shag carpet of a cheap motel, in the dark and dusty corner by the TV shelf is a small reminder of a simpler time when a crumpled up pair of trousers lost a brand new dime.”

I really think this should have been the single from this album. It’s up-beat, peppy, and really indicative of the band. The song runs on a great metaphor, from the point of view of a dime “I am determined not to be dented by a car by a plane or anything not yet invented.”. This song is definitely worth a listen.

5. Carbon Monoxide

• Relative rating: 3/11
• Star rating

“Too much carbon monoxide for me to bear. Where’s the air?”

Al Gore definitely should have gotten this song for the soundtrack to An Inconvenient Truth. Again, this song is fun, upbeat, but with a sort of heavier message. It is a bit on the thin side when it comes to depth of lyrics, or musical expression, making it one of the weaker songs on the album.

6. The Guitar Man (cover of song by Bread)

• Relative rating: 11/11
• Star rating:

“Who draws the crowd, who plays so loud? Baby it’s the guitar man.”

I can’t get enough of this song. I didn’t know it was a cover the first few times I heard it. It’s a very Cake-like tune, with some changes to the beat and effects that are very distinctively Cake. A great chillin’ tune, very musically strong. If there’s any track on this album to check out, this is the one.

7. Waiting

• Relative rating: 10/11
• Star rating:

“So we think that we’re important, and we think that we make sense, and we think there’s something better on the other side of this fence.”

GREAT song. Despite the simplistic sound of the opening line, this is actually one of the most lyrically interesting and engaging tracks on the album. A good driving song; pretty cheerful.

8. She’ll Hang the Baskets

• Relative rating: 2/11
• Star rating:

“She’ll hang the baskets on the walls. Don’t you know I’ve seen it all before?”

A pretty good song, sort of a commentary on domestic life… I think… I’m not sure what’s in these baskets, or what they are supposed to represent.

9. End of the Movie

• Relative Rating: 5/11
• Star rating:

“People you love will turn their backs on you. You’ll lose your hair, your teeth, your knife will fall out of its sheath, but you still don’t like to leave before the end of the movie…”

This song is one of the most easily skipped on the album, but it might be one of the most poignant. The song is an observation about how our priorities as a society might not be as straight as we think they are. It’s REALLY simple, just banjo and some synthesizer in the background, but I like it, and I think you will too.

10. Palm of Your Hand

• Relative Rating: 7/11
• Star Rating:

“When the house was standing, you’d never have believed it…”

Some people bash me for being anti-USA. I don’t hate the US, I just bemoan what it has let itself become. This song (at least in my mind) reflects that quite well. Almost a lamenting look at what was once a proud structure, this song is quite fun, but with a message.

11. Tougher than it is

• Relative Rating: 9/11
• Star Rating:

“Well there is no such thing as you, it doesn’t matter what you do. The more you try to qualify, the more it all will pass you by…”

Once again, this is a good up-beat song, with a great beat and a fairly strong tune. The chorus of this song says it all nicely: “Some people like to make life a little tougher than it is.” A good message to all of us to keep things simple.

Overall impression

All things considered, this is not one of Cake’s better albums. In fact, in my opinion it’s the worst they’ve produced. Pretty one-dimensional, with some pretty good songs, good changes, but nothing to make it stand out. Each track (with one exception) is nice to listen to, but only two of them stand out as particularly good. I give this album 2 stars.

To buy or not to buy?

If you’re a Cake fan, then you’ll want to pick up this album. If you’re new to the band, do yourself a favour and take a pass on this one for now. Neophytes should look into either Fashion Nugget or Prolonging the Magic, my two personal favourites.

You may (or may not) have notived that I haven’t posted anything new in quite a while. My excuse is that I have been working two jobs and trying to have a social life somewhere in between. A great many things have fallen by the wayside. However, I am going to try to pst SOME stuff over the summer, and so it is that I proudly announce the advent of a new feature of Porocrom:

Crom-prehensive Review(e)

In these review(e)s, I am going to examine in great depth a music album of my choice. I have a fair number of CDs that are worth reviewing, at least in my opinion, which is the only one that counts to you mindless peons. This is intended to be something of a companion piece to my serial “Bands I Like”, reserved somewhat for bands that may not have a lot of stuff out there but who have a great album, or a band that has an outstanding album.

Features:

Track-by-track breakdown: I will review each song on the album with a brief blurb

Song ranking: each song will be ranked both relative to the others on the album and on an ‘absolute’ scale (star system)

Album review: a look at the album as a whole, its strengths and weaknesses

To buy or not to buy?: is it worth the sticker price?

As always, if there is an album that you’d like me to review, send me e-mail and I will see if I can give a listen. Please note that if the band is super-obscure I may not be able to get my hands on all of the tracks. Also, if the band CLEARLY sucks, I’m not even going to bother.

Anyway, expect some stuff to drop soon. Also, expect some regular Crommunist-type posting within the next couple of months.

My life must be pretty uninteresting these days, because I am posting another installment of…

This edition focuses on yet another rapper. I realize that technically he isn’t a BAND, but he might as well be. This is an artist that was also referred to me by Ken, who is way more up on the hip-hop scene than I am. This is a guy who is often referred to as a ‘triple-threat’ for his skills as an MC, a DJ and a producer. I’ve never heard anyone rhyme quite like…

Scram Jones

Listening to Scram is almost like listening to a standup comedian mixed with Dr. Seuss… mixed with the streets of New York. According to interviews, he’s been mixing since he was 15, and pretty much involved in every part of the underground he could get into since then. It’s interesting to hear about a white guy making it big in an industry that is essentially 100% black (except the lawyers), but what is even more interesting is that he does it better than 99% of these so-called ganstas from the hoods of various cities. I’ve never heard any of the top 10-selling artists spit with the same level of artfullness as Scram (with special exception being made for Kanye West).

There’s something almost playful about the way that Scram raps. I’ve never heard anyone else (in rap or outside of rap) put this kind of a spin on rhyming. It’s not something that can be adequately conveyed in text alone, but I’m going to try. This is a cut from his track “Change Ya Rosta”

I almost lost my 20/20 drinking 20/20, The kind of kid that they would talk about on 20/20 Take the rims off of a Jeep, I got 20 20s, Sell ‘em for 400 apiece, just give me 20 20s. … Y’all don’t know the shit you’re in I’ll leave you in a pool of of piss now you’re in urine And you can’t get out ‘cause once you’re in, you’re in Now you wanna spaz out like (Yrrrin! Yrrrin!)

Again, it’s not something that can really be conveyed through reading it, but I swear, this guy’s unbelievable. He’s got these incredible one-liners that clearly show off both his comedic genius for even coming up with these things, but his artistic genius as well for fitting them into a rhyme. In fact, those of you who know me well know I love making outrageous analogies or similies… I got it from Scram. Some of my favourites are:

“Two bitches gave me mono, now I’ve got stereo”
“I tried to become a vegetarian but it was hard to stop cold turkey”
“My flow is like lard, PHAT. While your style’s on a diet with no carbs”
“Yeah your rhyme’s the shit… why? ‘cause it’s crap”
“I used to ride with no hands on the handlebars/now my hand’s on the mike, watch me handle bars”

The list goes on, and Scram fans will undoubtedly say “What about this one?” but you get the idea. If you are a hip-hop fan AT ALL… at all at all at all… check out Scram Jones. He’s a bit undeground, so it may be a little difficult to get your hands on the goods. If you’re Jonesin’ really bad, e-mail me and I’ll see what I can do.

Tracks to Check Out

- Back to Back (f. Rob Swift & X-cutioners) – Air it Out (f. Jack Venom) – Heavy Metal (f. Kool G. Rap) – 3’s Company (f. Swigga & Eddie Brock) – Line Up (f. Styles P.) – Change Ya Rosta – Liquid Heat

Seriously… check this guy out!

It’s that time of year again… when there’s a crisp chill in the air, and a spring in your step. Where the only force stronger than the love that unites all of mankind is the force urging shoppers to trample each other in order to save 50 cents on a dented DVD player. It’s that magical time of year that we tell children to follow in the example of the baby Jesus and DEMAND another fucking Furby doll from parents too kid-whipped to stop and think what long-term damage mindless commercialism could do to their progeny. It’s the one time of year that the voices in your head telling you to pull out an AK and spray death all over your local mall are drowned out by the sickening pablum of

Christmas Music.

In true Porocrom style, I’m here to take a closer look at the songs that warm our hearts as we empty our pockets. Maybe some of the insanity that accompanies this season can be explained by the drivel that we play ad nauseam year in and out.

White Christmas

I’m dreaming of a white Christmas
Just like the ones I used to know
Where the treetops glisten and children listen
To hear sleighbells in the snow…

Now I am not sure when this song was written, but I would have to guess it was some time in the 18th century, when it was still fashionable to own and operate a sleigh. This song doesn’t get a lot of air-time in places south of the Canadian border, since snow to most non-Canucks is either a crappy white rapper or a slang for cocaine. Maybe the latter definition would explain why the treetops are glistening. To my memory, the only time I’ve ever seen treetops ‘glisten’ is during the Quebec ice storm of 2000, and I really doubt that’s the kind of nostalgia we really want.

Winter Wonderland

Sleighbells ring, are you listening?
In the lane snow is glistening.
A beatiful sight, we’re happy tonight
Walking in a winter wonderland.

Seems harmless enough, doesn’t it? That’s how the blasted Ruskies infiltrate your mind. Before too long, you’re getting a common-law marriage presided by a snowman that you built yourself in the lane. Then, if the laudanum-induced winter “wonderland” isn’t enough for you, you and your comrades will “conspire” indoors to overthrow the snowperson empire, facing your evil designs “unafraid”. It’s always the nice Christmas songs that end up going so terribly wrong.

The Little Drummer Boy

Come they told me, pa-rumpupum-pum
A newborn king to see, pa-rumpupum-pum
Our finest gifts we bring, pa-rumpupum-pum
To lay before the king, pa-rumpupum-pum, rumpupum-pum, rumpupum-pum
So to honour him, pa-rumpupum-pum, when we come.

I tried this with my baby cousin. Free piece of advice: babies do NOT like drum solos at close proximity. I tried to throw in some Neil Peart with a Travis Barker twist and all I got for my trouble was loud wailing and a ticket for noise violation. To top it all off, my aunt threatened to break her foot off in my rumpupum-pum…

The 12 Days of Christmas

On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love gave to me:
12 drummers drumming, 11 pipers piping
10 lords a-leaping, 9 ladies dancing
8 maids a-milking, 7 swans a-swimming
6 geese a-laying…
5 GOLDEN RINGS (pause for emphasis)
4 colly (calling? nobody seems to agree on this one) birds
3 French hens, 2 turtledoves
And a patridge in a pear tree.

It must be nice to have a true love whose portfolio includes both forays into animal husbandry and the slave trade. It’s a good thing there are only 12 days of Christmas (although last time I checked, it was only the one…) otherwise the narrator in this story would have to request a warehouse to store all this shit. If it were me in this story, I’d tell my true love to skip the drummers, pipers and leaping lords (why the HELL would anyone want a bunch of riverdancers?), leave me the 17 bitches and the bling, and trade the livestock in for a decent-looking car. Then again, I’m a man of much more refined tastes.

Also it would be funny if you served your true love a dish of partridge with pear stuffing…

I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus

I saw mommy kissing Santa Claus
Underneath the mistletoe last night
They didn’t hear me creep downstairs to have a peep
They thought that I was tucked up in my bedroom fast asleep.

It’s a good thing that the kid didn’t walk in on the second half of the performance when mommy begins pumping on Santa’s North Pole, trying to get some presents out of his sack. It makes me wonder why this perverted song still gets played every year. The lost verses include mommy tying up Santa and making him beg her in German not to take a dookie in his mouth. Heart-warming stuff.

Santa Claus is coming to town

You’d better watch out, you’d better not cry
You’d better not pout I’m telling you why:
Santa Claus is coming to town
…
He sees you when you’re sleeping, he knows when you’re awake
He knows if you’ve been bad or good, so be good for goodness’ sake!

Wow… just wow. If any child wasn’t already petrified by the prospect of a fat white dude dressed in blood red and leather who enters the house by the chimney, they can now talk to their therapists about the fact that he sees them when they’re sleeping. One wonders where he finds time to monitor every child in the world in between sexually molesting his army of elves and whipping the crap out of his eight tiny reindeer.

So if you’re flummoxed trying to pinpoint the origin of the holiday madness, look no further than your friendly Christmas songbook. Our team of songwriters is working around the clock to come up with some less intimidating holiday hits such as

- I’m Dreaming of a non-race-specific Holiday gathering – All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth… and a PSP – Silent Night, holy shit buy me a Tickle Me Elmo NOW – It’s Beginning to Look a lot like another crappy sweater from grandma

And many other instant Christmas favourites. If you don’t buy them, the baby Jesus will come down your chimney and burn your fucking house down.